I heard someone recently say this and it sent shock waves through my entire body. That statement impacted me in such a profound way that I am still digesting it. And I asked myself, am I speaking from a scar or a wound?

I began thinking about all the bruises, contusions, nicks, and gashes I’ve collected through the years. Some wounds have healed and scarred nicely while others are metaphorically scabbing or are yet tender to the touch. And then, I started thinking about how I feel when I talk about these wounds and comparing them. This was one of those self-revealing moments that I was like, wow, I still have a lot of work to do!

It became so evident to me that my energy and how I feel when I speak of these emotional wounds vary on where they are in the healing process. For example, If I am talking about something that still causes me to flinch, I’m much more guarded about what I say. My sensitivity level is at a 10, and I fault someone or something for my feelings. On the other hand, when I speak about a wound that has healed, the conversation is different. My focus is on the lessons learned and my personal growth, instead of playing the blame game. I don’t feel that tightness in my chest, and I’m much more open in the discussion, and more importantly, at peace with it.

But healing is tricky, and it’s not the same for everyone. When you have a surface wound you can see it and treat it until it heals. But internal wounds take much longer to heal. After any major surgery, most doctors say it takes a minimum of 4-6 weeks to recover and begin incorporating some regular activity into your daily routine. However, full recovery, in some cases, can take up to a year, if not more. The reason for this is to avoid causing more damage or creating scar tissue that can create further problems down the road. Still, despite our best intentions, we don’t always follow doctor’s orders.

A friend of mine recently underwent emergency surgery, and the entire experience was traumatic for her. As I listened to her account of what happened, the pain she was feeling both physically and emotionally was palpable. The ramification of what she went through has ripple effects and her emotional wounds will take longer to heal than her physical ones. So I reminded her to give herself lots of time to heal, even when she thought she was ok.

Scar Tissues are Nasty!

Scar tissue can be nasty. Think of it as a spider’s web. As the web grows, it latches on to its surroundings, twisting and changing it. Now, think of this in regards to emotional wounds. When we downplay our psychological injuries, we give ourselves maybe a few hours, or a few days before trying to brush them off by saying I’m over it, I’m ok, or, nothing is wrong with me. Yet these wounds persist and need healing, and by not giving them the proper care or time, they can linger and create emotional scar tissue. It’s this scarring that can often be more damaging to our mental health and overall well being.

Based on what I’ve gone through, if we don’t allow ourselves to take stalk in recovering from our wounds, this scarring can turn into something else. The web from our emotional scars can begin to attach or collect other experiences that are similar to the original wound. And all of a sudden, we find ourselves in this big ball of emotional pain that we don’t know how to unpack or get out of.

Additionally, I believe that we form a lot of emotional scar tissue when dealing with depression. With depression, we suffer feelings such as self-doubt, low self-esteem, shame, and sometimes even physical pain. However, because it’s a condition we can’t see we often ignore it hoping it will go away. But it doesn’t, instead, the scarring spreads distorting the wound.

And so when people minimize our condition or don’t know the severity of it because we act like we’re fine, we lash out. We become the victim and say things like: “you don’t know my pain, or what I’ve gone through.” All because we haven’t given our condition the proper treatment, we continue to speak from a wound, and not from a scar.

Having this revelation through this statement is a big deal to me. It’s given me a greater understanding of where I’m at with my wounds. And by being the observer, I’m permitting myself to take a different approach. I can start by asking some questions and exploring what I need to do to begin to get better.  Do I need time?  Should I speak to someone? Can I work through this on my own or do I need help?

Sometimes to protect ourselves, we build walls to hide our injuries, so no one sees them. But we continue to pick at them by reliving those painful memories, never allowing them to heal. And so by asking questions, we help chip away at the barriers that no longer serve us.

It is in the spirit of healing that I share this with you. To me, that statement or question created an active space where I can begin to work on those open wounds and really heal. And I hope that this creates a dialogue where you can ask yourself that same question. Are you speaking from a scar or from a wound? Determine what you think about it and what you discover. After all, isn’t that what we all want, to be pain-free or as close to it as possible?!

I’m curious to know what your thoughts are on this, so please feel free to leave a comment!